It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Diarrhea

Hvar“A ferry to Hvar for the day sounds lovely,” I thought. If only I had known that my body would betray me in the worst ways later that evening.

The ride to the island was actually pretty nice – comfortable seats, air conditioning. “This is a pretty sweet ride,” I thought.

I don’t know if it was the ice cream I just had to have before I got on the ferry, or the choppy water from the incoming stormy weather – whatever it was, I was not prepared for it.

“I don’t get seasick,” I thought. *Sigh* This is a statement I will no longer be able to proudly claim.

Almost as soon as the ferry left the dock, my body decided it was no longer on my team. The nausea hit almost instantly. Just as I was thanking the heavens that we didn’t have a heavy meal before we left, I remembered the ice cream.

Oh, the ice cream. A uniquely dark, bitter-sweet flavor that was now creeping back up my throat. This is horrible, worst possible scenario… or so I thought.

Mere moments after that thought, my body broke out in cold sweats that made me look like I was sitting under my own personal rain cloud. I couldn’t talk for fear of throwing up. I couldn’t open my eyes for fear that it would make me more nauseous and I might faint. Now, THIS must be the worst possible scenario.

Nope.

FerryThen, as the boat kept rocking, I felt my stomach give an unwelcome rumble. I already felt like I was dying, but could this get even worse? Yep, It could and it did. I felt like I got hit with food poisoning at the top of a roller coaster and it was about to be one hell of a ride.

I felt like I was dying a slow, very public death. “If there’s a light,” I thought to myself, “I’m walking towards it.” That most certainly would be better than actually shitting my pants next to my wife and with a literal boat-load of strangers.

By the grace of every deity I could possibly call upon during my hour of need, I was able to not pass out and hold in what my stomach was so adamantly trying to expel from my body until we docked. I was able to sprint to the restroom after everyone else disembarked while my wife tried to convince the crew not to leave because I needed another minute.

So, maybe I’m not a boat person. Or, maybe I’m not an ice cream person. Or, maybe I just need to carry a bottle of Pepto with me everywhere I go. All I know is that I’m happy to be on solid ground once again.

(FYI, Hvar is gorgeous and actually quite an idyllic island.)

Hvar Tower

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2 responses to “It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Diarrhea

  1. From one (former) seasick sailor to another, here is a tip to combat seasickness IF there is ever a ‘next time’ on a boat: stay on deck in the fresh air (even if it’s blowing a gale), look at the horizon (this tricks the mind into thinking all is calm and flat) and keep saltines in your pocket (the saltines absorb the liquid in your stomach). And maybe skip the ice cream. Works every time.
    xx Chris

    Liked by 1 person

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